Yesterday was a monumental day for me... I'd have to say it was my FAVORITE day of my pregnancy so far! As many of you know, this has been an uphill journey, on our knees, as we solely trust God to keep our baby healthy and strong. Yesterday was just what I needed! We had another ultrasound, and my subchorionic hemmorhage (aka. "ticking-time-bomb!") has shrunk down to half it's size!!!! That's amazing!!! I couldn't believe it! I'm so thankful to God! It could've done so many other things... but instead it's shrinking and the Ultrasound Technician looked me right in the trembling face and said- "You should be happy today!"
Thank you God for starting to heal my body and for protecting my baby.
Yesterday was the first time I could look at the little moving baby on the screen and allow myself to connect a little. "That's my baby inside of me! (tears strolling down my face) That's our new little life and Nix's little sibling!" I already LOVE this little baby don't get me wrong... but for the first time I felt love. I allowed myself to feel a tinge of excitement.
Which leads me to what I'm wrestling with now... HOPE. On Monday night we went to our Couples Study. Our good friend Mark led it, and the discussion danced around the topic of "HOPE." What is hope? He gave the definition: "it is expecting with certainty." Really? I thought it was "wishful thinking!" That's the kind of hope I usually have... "hoping for the best, expecting the worse!"
As a Christian woman, the day I gave my life to Christ I not only experienced a 'heart transplant,' but I also was more than grateful to receive the HOPE that when I die I will be in heaven! I believe this hope. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be in heaven. Today, when I think of my situation, hope takes on a different meaning. What should it look like ?
That same night when the Women laid their hands on me and the baby and prayed, these godly women were claiming God's promises for me and the baby. They prayed so confidently, asking God for a miracle. Wait, wait, wait... hold it!! That is HOPE! Hearing them talk, plead, and cry out to God on me and my baby's behalf blessed me to pieces. They have hope , more than I do! That's what I needed. I am desperately weak in this situation, but God is strong... and He has sent me friends and family that are also strong and can hold us up during this time.
I don't know the answer. I do know Romans 5: 3-5 says: "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us-- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens hope."
We are rejoicing today for the miracle we saw yesterday! I truly believe God is at work. Please keep us in your prayers. We have another ultrasound on Tues. July 28th where we will check the hemmorhage AND (our other whammy!) check to see if any damage was done to the baby while I was taking a high-dosage prescription drug while pregnant. This was BEFORE I knew I was pregnant. Yikes!
To some of you this may appear to be an alien...esp. knowing what Yoichi and I look like- haha! But if you look closely, it's Baby Wakayama. He/She is looking at us and waving (smaller circle on the right is the head).... How can I not love this precious gift God is making in my body?? How can I NOT have hope?